From upset to peace

Upsets can take you by storm. Something happens – or someone says something that hits you like a tsunami – your stomach tenses up, or your heart contracts. Even if you meditate in the mornings, as soon as you get off the cushion and go out into the world – things happen. When what happens disturbs you, you go into upset.

Upsets can be subtle or harsh. When suppressing them no longer works for you, there is a way to resolve them. You don’t have to stay upset.

I’m not asking you to go anywhere into your own shadowy upsets that I myself do not go. As a sister traveler, I engage this same process of resolving upsets – before I ask this of you. I practice Emotional Connection and receive the benefits before I bring it to my coaching practice. It’s effective and rewarding – though not always easy.

Alongside the Akashic, the flower essences and the emotional connection work, I’m incorporating a newly emerging protocol for resolving upsets through the Language of Being.

When you can resolve upsets as they occur, you will have a steady ground from which to live, work and play, while staying connected with the voice of your body – where background conversations live. Background conversations are unspoken conversations that live in your body – what many of us think of as subconscious or unconscious information.

By connecting with the upset sensations in your body, you can bring background conversations into the foreground, where you can focus on them and transform them. As long as they are unknown, they aren’t likely to change.

Once you bring them to Light, you can update them to be aligned with your values. You can stop being hijacked by background conversations and upgrade them to carry you forward.

The Bedrock

For three weeks, I took on resolving my upsets along in a group course. With intense immersion, I found the “bedrock” of suppressed upsets from the past surfacing. Bedrock is consolidated rock that underlies loose material in the earth – the dense, metamorphic rock underneath accumulations of layer after layer of sedimentary rock. Sedimentary rocks are chock full of fossils – old, limiting personal stories cemented into place by family and cultural values – or standards.

Personal stories lack a “witness” perspective. Your spiritual Being observes your personal stories, but does not identify with them. When you have the space to witness your reactions to situations, you have a level of detachment that allows you to see a bigger picture – and not get lost in your emotions.

Emotions can be so powerful, they can be overwhelming. There is an art to connecting with them – but not drowning in them. Observing and connecting from the witness allows you to be with the sensations without getting lost in them – or going into drama – making up scary stories that never actually happened.

In sessions, you may have heard me refer to certain upsets or disturbances as “big honkers.” Like the bedrock, these are as fossilized emotions that haven’t moved.

Instead of moving out, fossilized emotions have solidified. The result is emotions that are rigid. Suppressed emotions live in your body and psyche – keeping you locked into your triggers.

When you are triggered, you need options besides suppressing or exploding. Neither suppressing nor exploding is an effective way to create desirable outcomes in the world. If you are living from Being, one of your values is to maintain dignity, your own and for others – while getting your concerns addressed.

“If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” –Ram Dass

The bedrock of upsets for many people is located in the domain of family. This is because we are biologically coupled to our families. What we experience with them effects us fundamentally – in our bodies. On top of that, we internalize ungrounded assumptions from family and culture that keep us trapped in unrealistic expectations.

First, connect with your body – then explore the conversations that accompany the sensations.

The Practice:

Here are some “fairy tales” in the domain of family that may operate as background conversations. Notice the sensations in your body as you read through them.

1. “My family is always there for me.”
2. “My family loves and accepts me for who I am.”
3. “My family will always protect and defend me.”
4. “Families support each other, no matter what happens.”
5. “Families share the same values.”
6. “Parents always have their children’s best interests at heart.”

Slow down – note how your body feels.

Take a breath, or a sip of water.

Here are some distinctions to ground conversations about families. Notice how your body feels as you read them.

1. Families are comprised of a group of individuals who are either biologically related or have a shared domestic history.
2. A family is not an undifferentiated unit, but a group of unique individuals whose paths often diverge. Not everyone in a family “fits” the family mold.
3. Individual family members have different values.
4. Individuals within families have a range of willingness to be honest.
5. In families, some members are on a spiritual path; others are not.
6. Biological relationship does not necessarily result in intimacy, safety or shared concerns.

Read the statements. Tune in to the sensations in your body. Respect them as signals of your background conversations. With which statements do you feel contraction or tension? With which ones do you feel relaxation or expansion?

Your body tells the story of upsets, both current and old. Contraction signals upset. Relaxation and expansion signals conversations that are more grounded and accurate.

When you resolve upsetting background conversations, new space opens up to be centered and peaceful. When upsets resolve, they no longer live in your body as background conversations. When your body clears, you relax. Your thoughts are upgraded – you can be more skillful in all of your relationships.

As you learn how to implement the process for resolving upsets, you will have an exceptional life skill to help you stay centered and connected to Source. The concept is simple to learn – effective when implemented – and the impact is sustainable.

Being at peace doesn’t have to take so much effort – it can be your norm.

Categories: Spiritual Coaching, the Language of Being, Emotional Connection